


Wherever I'm With You

by upthenorthmountain (aw264641)



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: F/M, Kristanna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-01 16:33:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10194020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aw264641/pseuds/upthenorthmountain
Summary: This is the same set-up as my story Flatmates (modern AU, Elsa and Anna shared a flat but now Elsa is in Japan for her work so Anna advertises the room and a colleague, Kristoff, moves in) but with one big change at the beginning that sends it in another, angstier direction. M rating is for angst, unhealthy relationships, language and some sexual content.





	1. Chapter 1

"You found someone for my room already?"

"Yes! A man from work."

"A man? Really?"

"Yes, really! His name's Kristoff, he works in IT, and don't worry, I spoke to his boss and she said he was perfectly respectable and everything. He lives with his friend at the moment but he's getting married - the friend, not Kristoff. But he has a girlfriend, he said. Kristoff has."

"A serious girlfriend? Why doesn't he live with her?"

"I couldn't ask that, could I! But yes, a serious girlfriend, he said they'd been together five years, nearly. Maria or something."

 

* * *

 

Obviously Kristoff didn't move in with a pretty, single young woman just to spite his girlfriend. That would be childish, and petty, and he was better than that. And it was his own fault, anyway; too chicken to actually say, why don't I move in with you, Maria. She had her own place, Sven was kicking him out, it made perfect sense in every way, but Kristoff couldn't bring himself to do more than hint. 

 

"We're young, we have fun, don't we?" is all Maria would ever say when he dared to talk about the future. Five years! Was he as much of an idiot as Sven seemed to think he was?

 

* * *

 

"Doesn't she mind?"

 

Anna held the front door open for him as he carried in the last of his boxes. Kristoff dropped them in the bedroom that was apparently his and called back, "Sorry?"

"Your girlfriend. Doesn't she mind that you're living with me?"

 

Anna leant on the doorframe and watched him idly as he started to unpack.

"Why would she? She trusts me." Sort of. Ish.

"I'm not sure I'd want my boyfriend living with another woman."

"It's okay. I'm fairly sure I can resist you." Anna snorted. "And I thought you didn't have a boyfriend?"

"I'm currently between boyfriends. I'm resting."

"So your hypothetical boyfriend, you wouldn't let him live with another woman."

"Absolutely not. He'll live in the cupboard under the stairs, and like it."

"Kinky."

Anna snorted again, then twirled a piece of hair round her finger for a minute. "Tea?"

"Sure, thanks."

 

* * *

 

Isn’t it late in the UK? Go to sleep, Anna

 

_ ugh I can’t kristoff and his girlfriend are going at it again _

 

Lovely. Put your headphones in?

 

_ oh they’re not having sex! they’re having a row _

_ they have a row then they’ll break up and he’ll be all sad puppy eyes for a couple of days _

_ then she’ll turn up and beg him to take her back and he will because he’s an idiot _

_ then everything is fine for a few weeks, then we’re back here, with her screaming at him _

 

Oh dear that sounds difficult

 

_ the weird thing is he’s a really decent guy? he’s nice, he doesn’t do anything that deserves being screamed at on the reg as far as I can tell _

_ he’s not shagging around or selling drugs or stealing from her purse _

_ oh well none of my business I suppose _

 

It is if you can’t sleep because of it

Can’t you say something to him? Not right now, obviously

 

_ his friend sven was over here the other day and I was talking to him and we agreed that maria must be really good at sex _

_ like PHENOMENALLY good at it _

 

_ oh god I can’t say anything, I feel bad for him _

_ well I have expressed the opinion that he could do better but that didn’t go down well _

_ he just said he loves her and that was apparently the end of the discussion _

 

Well that doesn’t remind me of anyone I know

 

_ what? _

_ oh _

_ look _

_ that was a completely different situation _

_ I DID love him and it WAS none of your business _

 

* * *

 

The door slammed behind Maria. After all this time, Kristoff knew better than to follow her. Following her just meant the argument continuing all the way down the street, as well as denying Maria her dramatic exit, and she did love a dramatic exit. This way she could leave, go home, ring all her friends and tell them everything, then eventually calm down, ring all her friends again, then finally come back to him.

 

Recognising the cycle didn’t make it any less exhausting. He couldn’t do arguments, he’d never been able to think quickly enough; he was always left flailing and trying to keep up, agreeing with her just so she’d  _ stop _ . 

 

It was only half ten. Maybe she wouldn’t go home, maybe she’d go out and drink and meet somebody and he couldn’t say anything, because they’d broken up, hadn’t they? She hadn’t cheated on him ( _ oh my god, Kris, I can’t believe you’d even THINK that, you know I’d never cheat _ ). But it rankled all the same.

 

She’d come back and it would be worth it. She always came back.

 

* * *

 

Kristoff locked the front door, and turned to see Anna peeping out of her bedroom.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I guess you heard all that.”

“Kris,” she said, walking out of her room with her arms folded, “You know the old lady next door? She heard all that. And she has two hearing aids. And is visiting her sister this week. In Wales.”

“Sorry.”

 

He sounded so sad. “No, _ I’m _ sorry,” Anna said. “I definitely heard my name a couple of times there.”

“Goodness, it’s not your fault. Maria is just - a little bit insecure, sometimes.”

“Is that what that was.”

“I’m sorry you got dragged into it.”

“Come with me, Kristofer,” Anna said, leading him into the living room. “You look like you could use a drink.”

 

“That’s not my name,” he said, sitting on the sofa as Anna brought through a bottle of wine and two glasses from the kitchen.

“I know. And ‘brazen hussy’ isn’t mine.” She poured out two glasses and handed him one.

“Oh, god, I’m sorry. She dumped me, if that makes you feel any better. Because I told her not to call you names.”

“She dumped you? How many times is that now?”

“After the first dozen you stop counting.”

 

They drank in silence for a while. Anna refilled their glasses.

“Kris, can I say something?”

“Of course.”

“Just that - I’ve been there. You know? Not just the being dumped part, but….oh, I don’t know. Relationships are hard. Why was she so upset? She thinks we’ve got something going on?”

“No. She thinks I fancy you.”

“Really? Why does she think that? I mean, you don’t.”

 

Kristoff looked at his glass. It seemed to be empty again. “I do, though,” he said.

“What?”

“Didn’t tell her that, of course. Maybe I should have done. Got dumped anyway. Is that bottle empty?”

“You fancy me?”

 

She looked genuinely surprised.

“‘Course I do. You’re gorgeous.”

 

He couldn’t read the expression on her face now. She put her glass down, then looked at him again. 

“Sorry,” he said. “Shouldn’t’ve said anything. Obviously I wasn’t going to, or do anything, because we live together and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, and I have a girlfriend - well, I suppose I’m single right now -”

 

Anna took the glass out of his hand and put it on the coffee table. Then she put her hands on either side of his face and kissed him full on the lips.


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn't cheating. Kristoff hadn't cheated, he would never cheat. I mean, the last thing Maria had said to him - shouted at him, before slamming the front door behind her - had been  _ we're through, it's over _ , and that was hardly ambiguous. 

 

But he'd always thought that the definition of cheating was doing something you wouldn't want the other person to know about. And if they'd split up over Maria's belief that he was attracted to Anna, and then he'd immediately - that same evening -  _ slept  _ with Anna, that seemed like something Maria didn't need to know, once they were back together. So it  _ felt _ like cheating, much as Anna shrugged it off.

 

They always did get back together, that was the thing, and he should have anticipated that and seen it as a relationship pause, not an ending.

 

"You think about things too much," Anna said. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her. It's not like we're going to do it again."

"Maybe I should just tell her."

"She gives me enough evils every time she sees me. Do you want to move out? Because you'll have to, if she knows we did it."

 

Anna flicked over the page of her magazine, the picture of nonchalance in her green sundress.

“Anyway, I thought we agreed we were never going to speak of it again.”

“We’re not.”

“Stop speaking of it, then.”

 

* * *

 

Stupid, stupid. I mean, what had she thought was going to happen? When she was being kind to herself, Anna would remember that she’d been operating in a normal universe with sane people where someone splitting up with their girlfriend meant that they’d, you know, split up with their girlfriend. But Kristoff and Maria seemed to be playing some kind of game where that was just a move on the board, and she had turned up at the door right on cue two days later, full or apologies and promises.

 

Including, apparently, that she was going to be nicer to Anna. And she was! In a way.

 

* * *

 

With the television turned up and the living room door shut, Anna could almost pretend that her flatmate and his girlfriend weren’t having sex a few metres away. In the past they had tended to go to Maria’s, and Anna wondered vaguely if this was for her benefit. 

 

She stopped wondering when the living room door opened and Maria came through, wearing only the t-shirt that Kristoff had had on earlier. Yes, this was deliberate. Hooray.

“Hi, hun!” Maria said cheerily. “Do you have a first aid kit, or anything? Some plasters?”

“Um, sure. Just a sec.”

 

Maria followed her through into the kitchen, and stood there watching while Anna rummaged under the sink. “Just one will do, Kris has like a scratch - on his back -” she looked at her nails smugly.  “Make-up sex is the best, though, isn’t it? Are you seeing anyone at the moment?”

“No. Not right now.” Anna handed her the box of plasters. Maria peered at it. “These have Hello Kitty on them.”

“They’re the only ones I have, sorry.”

“Oh, ok...oh, you know what! My cousin is single, I should set you guys up! We could all go on a double date, how about it?”

“Oh, I don’t know….”

“It’ll be fun!” She headed back towards the bedroom. “Well, thanks Anna! Talk to you later!”

 

Anna watched her go, gritting her teeth - but then smiled when she heard Kristoff say “It doesn’t need a plaster, it’s not even bleeding -” just before Maria shut the door behind her.  _ Fine, he’s yours, I get it. But he’s a bit more mine that you realise. _

 

* * *

 

It had been barely a month before doors were slamming again, although this time it was Kristoff, letting himself in at 11pm and shutting the front door hard behind him. Then there was silence, and Anna put her head out from the living room to see him standing in the hall, fists clenched and jaw set.

 

When she said his name he didn’t turn. “I didn’t think you’d be back tonight,” she added, walking over to him. “Everything alright?”

 

He looked up, then, his expression bleak. “I just wish I knew what she wanted,” he said. “I wish - I wish I knew how to be enough for her.”

“Kristoff,” she said hopelessly, and put her hand on his arm. He put his hand over hers for a moment. Then he sighed. “I'm going to bed. Goodnight.”

 

Anna stepped back so he could go past her and into his bedroom. As he opened the door, she said “Kristoff?”

“Yes?”

“What is it  _ you _ want?”

“What do you mean? Right now?”

“No, I mean....” What did she mean?

 

Kristoff leant in the doorframe and looked at her. She waited.

“I want,” he said after a long minute, “to be able to spend an evening watching a film and cuddling on the sofa with my girlfriend without her breaking up with me because she’d rather go dancing. I want the woman who says she loves me to not describe me as ‘dull as fuck’.” He sighed. “I want to be someone’s first choice,” he said, then looked surprised at his own words.

 

* * *

 

The doorbell rang early the next evening, and Anna answered it. 

“Sven! Hi!”

“Hi, Anna! Thought I’d come and take him off your hands for the evening. How’s he doing?”

She let him in and shut the door.

“Not awful? But not great.”

“In his room?”

“Yup.”

“OK.” Sven squared his shoulders. “Here goes.”

 

He started whistling a jaunty tune and tapped on Kristoff’s closed bedroom door. Anna laughed when she recognised the song, and sang along for one line - “how do you hold a moonbeam in your hand…”

 

Kristoff wrenched his door open. “I hate both of you,” he said.

 

* * *

 

The problem, really, was the second time. Once, you could pass off as a mistake; as a These Things Happen; as curiosity satisfied, almost. Doing something a second time felt more deliberate.

 

Anna ended up going to the pub with Kristoff and Sven. Sven refused to let his friend remain maudlin, and said he needed the backup, then rang his fiancee and asked her to join them as well. Anna hadn’t met Jessica before, but liked her very much, and the evening passed very pleasantly (except for a few awkward moments; such as when Sven said ‘this is so much fun, you should bring Anna instead of what’s-her-face every time, Kristoff’).

 

They said goodbye at the pub door, and Anna and Kristoff wandered home. It was a clear night, warm and only just getting dark, and Anna realised that Kristoff was the most relaxed she’d seen him in a long time.

 

Afterwards she couldn’t remember who had moved first. One minute they were taking off their shoes just inside the flat door, the next they were kissing; then she started giggling and couldn’t stop, even as they were fumbling towards his bedroom, collapsing on top of the mattress together.

 

“We said we weren’t going to do it again,” she managed, when Kristoff pulled away from her to take off his t-shirt.

“Shush,” he said, running his hands under her top. “We’re not speaking of it.”

 

* * *

 

She should find someone else. She should be a bit flirtier with the nice guy in office next door, she should go out more often, she should sign up with eHarmony, she should do something, anything other than sleep with her flatmate every time he broke up with his girlfriend. It was definitely a pattern now, and it kept happening, and it was bad for her. It was bad for him. It was...

 

...his mouth was on her neck, leaving soft kisses down and over her collarbone, as he slid a hand under the waistband of her underwear, as he groaned in that deep, urgent way that made her whole body shudder...

 

_ I don’t want to be your comfort blanket _ , she thought.  _ Not just that. _ But it had been months now, months of watching Kristoff have his heart broken by increments. And now they’d fallen into this pattern she had no idea how to end it.

 

She just wanted to be someone’s first choice.

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

argh sorry I know I always do this but can I vent for a bit, that woman is IN MY HOME

 

_ hello yes you’re through to the maria helpline, sven speaking, how can i help _

 

she just asked if she could borrow some lipbalm and I hate her

 

_ borrow, is she planning to give it back _

 

lol

she just called me babe I’m going to scream

 

thoughts on whether I should hide one of my bras in his bed

 

_ I can see the temptation but probably best not _

_ jess says arsenic in her tea _

_ wait jess likes the bra idea but says find one thats clearly not yours so M doesn’t punch you _

 

* * *

 

The thing was, though, that usually Anna found living with Kristoff pretty great. He was tidy - tidier than her - and they’d quickly fallen into a routine of her doing bigger cleaning at the weekends while he did the day-to-day stuff. He got up before her in the morning and knocked on her bedroom door when he was finished in the bathroom. He made her tea without being asked and he always, always did his washing up as soon as he’d finished eating.

 

But not just all that. He was easy to talk to; he made her laugh. He was kind. He fixed her laptop and he lent her his umbrella and one time he spent two hours patiently rebuilding the shoe rack in her wardrobe (apparently she should have read the instructions when she put it together in the first place - and not thrown away all the pieces she had left over - but he managed and now it was so sturdy she could probably shelter under it during an earthquake). Oh, and he was  _ fantastic _ in bed.

 

And Anna loved his mum and his dad and his sisters, and she loved Sven and Jessica, and everything was perfectly fine and happy. Most of the time. When there wasn’t an annoying, loud, impossibly-cleavaged Italian woman draped all over him, anyway.

 

* * *

 

And then there was the night Maria was supposed to be coming over so Kristoff could cook her dinner, and she cancelled at the last minute, saying she had too much work to do at home; and Kristoff decided he would take a plate over to her and drop it off, but she wasn’t there. The next morning Anna woke up in his bed and stared at the ceiling, listening to one half of a very earnest phone conversation in the other room, and remembered every time she had excused that kind of behaviour from a partner. No wonder Elsa had always got so frustrated with her; from the outside, it was excruciating. On the inside, it wasn’t that simple.

 

Wait a minute. Had Kristoff spoken to Maria the night before? He’d come home angry that he hadn’t been able to find her, but did she know he’d even tried?

 

Anna got up, found her clothes, and ran quickly down the hall into her own room to put on her pyjamas. In the living room the conversation had slowed down, and as she walked in she heard Kristoff say “OK. OK, see you in a minute, then.”

 

He hung up the phone and said, “Oh, good, you’re up.”

“Is she coming here?”

“No, we’re going to get some breakfast.” He was pulling on his jacket now, putting his wallet in his pocket.

“OK. Kristoff?”

“Yeah?”

“I think - we shouldn’t do this any more.”

“Hmm?”

“You know. Last night - I think, I think it’s complicating things. We’re friends, aren’t we? We’re good friends, and we work well, living together, but. You know.”

He paused, but didn't meet her eyes. “OK. Yes, if that’s what you want. I mean, I’m sure you’re right.”

 

Anna could tell he was wanting to leave, so she just said “OK. See you later, then.”

“See you later.” 

 

* * *

 

“We just had a really good talk, you know? We both just really laid out everything, how we feel, and it was great. We’ve been taking each other for granted, really, and we’re both going to try a bit harder, be more committed. You were right, Anna, too.”

“About what?”

“It was - complicating things. And it was a bad idea from the start. Not that it wasn’t fun, but, you know.”

“You told her?”

Hesitation. “I didn’t think she needed to know.”

_ So you didn’t lay out  _ everything,  _ then, did you.  _ “Probably best.”  _ I wonder what she didn’t tell _ you  _ about _ .

 

* * *

 

Like these two pink lines.

 

Fuck.


	4. Chapter 4

Anna was fairly lucky, she supposed, in that while she felt a bit queasy all the time, she wasn’t throwing up dramatically every morning. She was tired, but who wasn’t. And even though the weather continued warm, a cardigan could generally conceal whatever was going on with her chest.

 

Of course, the fact that her flatmate was never at home because he was more interested in proving to his girlfriend how serious and committed he could be, that helped too.

 

And Elsa kept popping up in her head. It was so annoying the way she did that, even when she was thousands of miles away and had no idea what was going on.

__-_ So, are you just not going to tell him? _

\- I will. Once I know what I’m going to do.

__-_ If you deal with it quickly you won’t_ have _to tell him._

\- I know. I don’t know.

__-_ It’s been two weeks. Not making a decision _ is _making a decision._

 

 

“You alright?”

“Hmm?”

Kristoff had been going into the kitchen, but paused when he saw her lying on the sofa. “Are you alright? You look a bit pale. And you’re not moving.”

“I’ve - just got a bad cold or something. Don’t worry about me.”

 

* * *

 

When Sven told Kristoff to clear a day for looking at wedding suits, he’d thought his friend was exaggerating as usual; but apparently this was another wedding thing that involved a dozen little decisions and a lot of faffing about (with tape measures, and calendars, and goodness-knew-what).

 

“So how’s the love life?” Sven said while buttoning a waistcoat. “I only ask because the hotel wants the final headcount so I need to know if you’re bringing a plus one.”

“Good, thank you. Really good.”

“Really? Does she want a vegetarian meal?”

“You know Maria’s not a vegetarian.”

“Still Maria, then.”

“Stop it.”

“Sorry. This one, then?”

“Look - “

“I mean the waistcoat.”

“Oh, sure. I thought the wedding colour was fuchsia?”

“The cravats will be fuchsia. And we’ll all look very dashing.”

“Doesn’t Jessica need to approve what we’re wearing?”

“She trusts me,” Sven said loftily. “But also yes. Put your waistcoat on and I’ll take your picture.”

“Can’t I take _your_ picture?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

 

“So you managed to convince her, then?” Sven said as he fiddled with his phone. “That you don’t like Anna? I was sure she’d badger you until you moved out.”

“She trusts me,” Kristoff said, but it didn’t sound as convincing when he said it.

“And?”

“What?”

“Do you like Anna?”

“Sven.”

Sven shrugged. “Just asking. I won’t tell.”

Kristoff looked sideways at his friend. For all Sven’s volume and excessive extroversion, he knew he could keep a secret. “Alright. I do, a bit.”

Sven laughed. “I knew it!”

“But not, like - she’s pretty, you know? I mean, what man wouldn’t.”

“Sure, sure.”

“But we’re friends, we’re adults. We’ve talked about it -”

“Oh, aye?”

“- and we’re not going to do it again.”

 

Kristoff didn’t realise what he’d said until he saw the expression on his friend’s face. “Well, shit.”

“Do _what_ again, Kristoff?”

“Forget I said anything.”

Sven leant in and hissed “ _Have you slept with her?_ Why did I not know about this?”

“Why would you know about it!”

“So you HAVE! Kristoff Evelyn Bjorgman -”

“- that’s not my middle name -”

“- I did not bring you up to be a _dirty cheat._ ”

“I am NOT -” he lowered his voice as the shop assistant walked past - “Maria and I were not together at the time - at any of the times -”

“Any of the times, this just keeps getting better -”

“But we’re not going to do it again, that’s what counts. I’m with Maria again now, everything is good, Anna was a - a distraction.”

“Would everything with Maria be so good if she knew about it? I mean, all your body parts still seem to be attached, so I’m assuming she doesn’t. Jesus, Kristoff, I never expected this kind of thing of _you_.”

Kristoff paused for a second. “Neither did I,” he said.

 

He took off the waistcoat and hung it back up, avoiding Sven’s gaze.

“So what are you going to do?” Sven said. “Are you going to tell her?”

“I…”

“Exactly. Wouldn’t you rather be with someone you can be honest with? Or someone who doesn’t make you want to sleep with another woman at every opportunity?”

“It’s not like that,” Kristoff said, but he didn’t even sound convincing to himself.

 

“You know what I actually think?” Sven continued.

“What?”

“Forget Maria, obviously. But leave Anna alone, too, for the minute. She’s a nice girl and she doesn’t deserve you getting all your broken-hearted angst all over her.”

“Really?”

“You’re a nice lad and you’ll make someone a wonderful husband one day but right now that woman has you all fucked up.”

“That’s not what I was expecting you to say. Not quite.”

“Well, I’m a man of mystery. Now come here and tell me which of these pink cravats most closely matches this swatch from the bridesmaid dresses.”

 

* * *

 

“Anna?”

She hadn’t even heard him come in. She’d been sitting on the sofa, indulging in a quiet moment of blind panic and chewing her thumbnails down to the quick, and now Kristoff was standing in the doorway, looking at her with concern.

“Oh. Hi.”

He came over and sat next to her. “Anna, is everything okay?”

“Mmm? Sure. Yes. Of course.”

“It’s just - look, I’m sure it’s none of my business, but -” he hesitated. She wanted to reassure him that she was fine, but the lie stuck in her throat.

 

Kristoff’s eyes were still searching her face. “I know you said you’d just been under the weather, but it just seems to be going on and on. And - I rang up to your office a couple of days ago to ask you something and they said you had a hospital appointment.”

Anna took a deep breath. “I did. I’m sorry, I should’ve told you, I should’ve told you weeks ago…”

“Told me what?”

He was so close, so sympathetic, so _worried_ , and she thought, oh god, he probably thinks I’m seriously ill or something. If only.

 

“Stay here,” she said, and walked on tottering legs into her bedroom. She’d hidden it in the bottom drawer of her bedside table, under a pile of old letters and diaries. She slipped it out of the envelope for one more long look, then took it back into the living room.

 

Anna sat on the sofa, handed him the paper, and scrunched back up on the seat, looking at her hands. Part of her wanted to see his face, but more of her didn’t, and she was so used to swallowing down nausea that she barely noticed it any more as she waited for him to speak.

 

“Is this yours? Of course it is, it’s got your name on it. Fuck. You’re _pregnant?_ ”

“Yeah.”

“ _Fuck_.”

She risked a sideways glance at him. Kristoff was staring at the ultrasound picture, his face pale. Anna realised she was going to cry. _What did you think, you idiot? You thought he’d be pleased?_ Of course not, but maybe a tiny part of her had had a tiny piece of hope.

 

“This says twelve weeks,” Kristoff said slowly. “How long have you known?”

“Um.”

“ _Anna._ ”

“A - a month? Maybe?”

“And you didn’t _tell me?_ ”

 

Now the tears came, and she couldn’t stop them, just bury her head in her hands and sob “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…but you and Maria were getting on so well...I knew it’d ruin everything...I’m sorry…”

 

He put an arm around her and pulled her towards him. For a few minutes they sat side by side like that, neither speaking. Anna took a handful of tissues from the box on the coffee table and blew her nose.

“Have you decided?” Kristoff said quietly.

Anna nodded. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry. As much my fault as yours.”  He sat in thought for another minute. “I’ll have to tell her. I’ll tell her and that’ll be it.”

Anna bit down another apology. “You don’t know that.”

“I do. Have you told anyone else?”

“Only the doctor. I need to ring my sister. Oh god. She’s going to be so cross with me.”

Kristoff squeezed her arm. “We’ll do it at the same time. Tomorrow evening?”

“OK.”

 

* * *

 

Kristoff texted to say he was coming over, but not why. As soon as she let him in the door he said “Maria, there's something I need to talk to you about.”

“Sure.” She sat on the sofa and waved him down next to her. “What's up?”

Rip off the plaster. Spit it out. “Anna’s pregnant.”

“What, really? God. I didn't even know she had a boyfriend.”

“She doesn't.”

“God, poor Anna. So is she having it? Does she want you to move out, is that it?”

“No - I mean, yes she is, but no, she doesn't want me to move out.”

“Then what d’you look so worried for? It's not your problem.”

He hesitated.

“Right, Kris?”

He took a deep breath, but didn't get a chance to speak.

“Oh my god, Kris, are you _fucking_ kidding me? For fucking months you've been telling me I've nothing to worry about, on your high horse about how I should trust you when I KNEW there was something going on -” She was on her feet now, pacing, and he stood to meet her eyes.

“It's not like that!”

“So what is it like? Because if she's having your fucking baby I don't see what else it COULD be like.”

“I was never - _unfaithful_ to you - but sometimes, when we were broken up -”

“You fucked her.”

He nodded, wincing.

“Jesus _Christ._ So, what, are you together?”

“No. I don’t know.”

“You don’t _know?_ Either it meant something or it didn’t, for fuck’s sake.”

 

And there was the out, the safety-line. Say it didn’t mean anything, say it was just sex, say it just happened because they were drunk and she was there and now it was all fucked up but you’re the one I want, Maria. You’re the one I love.

 

A memory flashed up in his mind. Anna, laughing as she threw herself down on his bed. _I can’t believe this keeps happening, oh god, we’re a disaster._ Kissing her to shut her up.

 

Watching her fall asleep, after, with a clench in his chest that he couldn’t explain.

 

The slap across his cheek shocked him back into the room. Maria dropped her hand, and when he met her eyes he could see they were stinging with tears. “You _bastard_ ,” she said. “Get out, just get out.”

 

* * *

 

Kristoff found Anna lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling, her phone in one hand.

“You did it?” she asked, without looking at him.

“Yeah. You?”

“Mmhmm. I thought it would be easier on the phone but it was harder, Elsa goes quiet when she’s angry and when you can’t see her face it’s hard to judge, you know. What to say.” She sighed. “But I did it. I’ll speak to her again tomorrow and she’ll be calmer.”

 

Kristoff sat on the side of her bed and Anna looked up. “And you? How’d she take it?”

“Oh, god, phenomenally badly. As I expected.”

“She shouted at you?”

“Of course. But I deserve it.”

 

Anna sat up and, to his surprise, ran her finger along his left cheekbone. “Did she do this?”

“I didn’t realise there was a mark. But yes, and I deserve that too.”

“No one deserves to be hit.” She stroked her finger along his cheek again, then flopped back onto the bed. “So you broke up? For good?”

“I - don't know, actually? She just threw me out. But - I'm done. I mean it this time.”

“Mmhmm.”

“I do.”

“Heard it all before, Kristofer,” she said, but her tone was mild. He lay down next to her.

“Oh, god. I have to tell my mother.”

“You could not,” Anna said.

“How could I not? She's round here every five minutes.”

“Wait and see how long it is before she guesses, or dares ask. It'll be hilarious. I'm sitting on the sofa, out to here -”

“Flipping through the Mothercare catalogue -”

“While you're screwing together a cot in the corner, and she can't say anything because you _never_ ask a woman if she's pregnant.”

“I’ll tell her tomorrow,” Kristoff said. “Or once my face has calmed down.”

 

“I bet,” Anna said slowly after a minute, “I bet if you’d had to unexpectedly get someone pregnant, I bet you wish it was your actual girlfriend.”

“Maria?”

“That one, yes.” Then she laughed at the expression on his face. “Or not?”

“I - would rather not be in this situation at all -”

“Tell me about it.”

“- but given that I am - I don’t know.”

“Does Maria have a big brother?”

“What?”

“Cousins, uncles, dad who’s a boxer? Is the Arundel mafia going to turn up on our doorstep and beat you to a pulp, is my question.”

“Because she’s Italian? That’s a bit racist. There’s no Arundel mafia.”

“That’s what they want you to think.”

“Why’re you in such a good mood?”

Anna looked puzzled, then said. “Relief, I think. I told you and I told Elsa and the world is still turning.”

“I guess. It took a lurch for a moment there.”

 

He looked sideways at her. Anna’s hand had drifted to lie over her stomach, and she was looking at the ceiling, thoughtful.

“Penny for them.”

 

“Kristoff, I don’t want to be your rebound. I mean - oh, I don’t know - maybe if you’d been single when we met....but you weren’t, and now it’s all complicated, and even though - I still think what I thought before. We should be friends, and flatmates, just now we’re friends and flatmates who’re having a baby together. And if that gets too weird, and one of us wants to move out or have the other move out, then we can talk about that then, but for now? I think we should stay how we are and see how it goes. Does that make sense?”

“I think so.”

“You don’t want to move out?”

He looked at her. “No.”


	5. Chapter 5

_ What if you end up doing it on your own? Have you thought about that _

 

of course I have! I'm an adult. I can do it if I have to

 

_ I know I just worry about you _

_ If Mum and Dad were around it would be different _

 

it won't come to that anyway

you don't know him, even if we live separately he'll always be around

and his parents were a bit O_O at first but they're lovely people 

it'll be fine

 

and you'll be back in a couple of months

 

_ I'll still be travelling a lot _

 

I know I know

I'm a grown up, Elsa, I can look after a baby, thousands of women do it, millions

and once you meet your nephew you'll be dying to babysit him alllll the time

 

_ Will I now _

 

_ Anna you know I'll help you any way I can x _

 

I know xxx

 

you know part of me wishes I hadn't told you and just met you at the airport 8mos gone

it would’ve been HILARIOUS

 

_ You have a very odd sense of humour sometimes _

 

* * *

 

“A thousand baby names? Are there that many?”

Anna glanced at the cover of her book, then turned back to the page she was on. “I guess? Only half of them are any use, anyway. And some of them are a bit weird.”

“The ultrasound lady might have been wrong.”

“She sounded pretty sure. Thank you,” as Kristoff put a cup of tea on the table beside her.

“What were you thinking?” he said, sitting on the armchair.

“I don’t know….I like Arthur as a middle name, that was my dad’s name.”

“Sounds good.”

“So do you need something else traditional at the front? Or does it not matter?”

“I don’t know, I - hang on, hold that thought,” he said as the doorbell rang. Anna laughed and started pushing herself up from the sofa, but Kristoff waved her back down and went to the door.

 

It was Maria.

 

He hadn’t actually spoken to her, in person, since he’d told her about the baby. There had been a flurry of text messages a couple of weeks later, about how she needed Space and Time; then nothing. Seeing her now was a shock, and he couldn’t tell if it was a good one or not.

 

“Can we talk? In your room or somewhere?”

Kristoff glanced back at the living room door. “Uh, sure.”

 

She followed him through to his room, and sat on the bed while he shut the door behind them.

“How’s Anna?” she said.

“Fine.”

“Everything - going well?”

“Yes, sure. Great.”

“Good.”

 

Kristoff leant against the closed door and waited for her to speak again. When she didn’t, he said “I should have called you before now. I didn’t realise it had been so long.”

“Nearly three months,” Maria said. “Bet you thought I’d forgotten about you.” She went quiet again, then patted the bed next to her. Kristoff sat down.

 

“I talked to a lot of people,” she said, “Like, all my friends…and a lot of them said I’d be crazy to give you another chance. And I thought they were right. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you, Kris. I didn’t realise how much I would miss you, miss just knowing you were there.” She looked at him through her eyelashes.

“I missed you, too,” he said, automatically. 

Maria nodded. “I'm willing to try again,” she said, “but I need something from you, Kris. If I'm going to trust you again...I can't have you living here with her. I don't think that's unreasonable.” 

 

Kristoff didn't know how to reply, but that was okay because Maria was still talking.

“And I know, I know she's having your kid and you'll need to pay for it and see it at weekends sometimes and stuff. I know that. I mean, obviously I’m not happy about it, but I understand.”

“Him.”

“What?”

“Not it. Him. The baby’s a boy.”

“Whatever.” She waited, but he could tell she was getting restless. “So?” she said after a minute.

 

He looked up at her and it was like looking at a stranger. Maybe it was just because they hadn’t spoken in so long. Or maybe he’d never known her, not properly. And something appeared in his head, from a long time ago now -  _ What is it  _ you _ want? _

 

“I want to live here,” he said quietly. “I want to see my son every day, not for a few hours on a Saturday afternoon. I want to live here with him.”

“And with Anna.”

“I guess so, yeah.”

Maria sighed. “So you and her...”

“It’s not that. It’s all complicated...we’re good friends, we get along living together fine. We’re both going to stay here as long as it keeps working. Beyond that, I don’t know. I don’t think she does either.”

“As long as it keeps working? So you’d move out if she asked you to?”

“Well, yeah.”

“But you won’t do it for me.”

 

Maria was looking at him, jaw set.  _ She _ wants  _ an argument, _ he thought.  _ She wants a row, which I’ll let her win, and then she’ll kiss me and then we’ll have sex and then.... _

 

He didn’t have the energy. For any of it. He was tired, so tired of going round in these circles. He hadn’t realised how - how  _ content _ he’d been, just living his life, going to work, seeing his friends. Living with Anna.

 

* * *

 

Anna could hear their voices, but not what they were saying. She fought the temptation to go out into the hall and eavesdrop. No, she was going to sit here, and drink her tea, and look at her book. David? Thomas? Jacob?

 

She’d been so selfish. Just because she’d been lonely; if she’d left him alone in the first place this would never have happened. Just because she’d wanted to have a baby; even if this was all an accident, she’d still ended up with something she’d always wanted. She’d made what she felt was the best decision for her, without really thinking about how that affected other people.

 

If Kristoff wanted to have long-running on-again-off-again relationships then that was up to him. She had no right to feel this level of rage just because that woman had turned up. She'd messed up his life enough.

 

* * *

 

The front door opened and shut. And then Kristoff walked into the living room and sat back down in the armchair. He put his hand on his cold cup of tea and pulled a face. Anna watched him.

 

“Sunk cost fallacy,” he said after a moment.

“What?”

“When you’ve put a lot of resources into something, your brain wants you to keep going. Like a gambler who wants to play until they win back all the money they’ve lost. Your brain thinks if you put in enough time and energy, it’ll pay off.” He picked up the cup and went into the kitchen. She heard the microwave beeping.

 

“I’m sorry,” she said when he came back through. “You don’t have to live here with me if you don’t want to any more. This was my decision, and I can’t expect other people to shoulder the consequences.”

Kristoff’s brow wrinkled. “Could you hear us talking?”

“No?” Despite her words, her heart sank. “Are you moving out?”

“Maria wanted me to. She was prepared to take me back, if I moved out. And probably spent the rest of my life grovelling. And saw the baby only on sufferance.” He smiled, but there was no humour in it. “But I remembered what you said once before. What do I want? I don’t know. But I know I don’t want that.”

“Kristoff…”

He drank his tea. “I thought she’d start shouting,” he said, “But she didn’t. I think she was expecting it.”

“And she left?”

“Mmm.”

 

Anna sighed and leant back against the sofa cushions.

“It was weird,” Kristoff said. “It was weird to be the one saying no.”

“It’s like they say, isn’t it?” Anna said. “The one who cares least has all the power.”

“I’ve never thought about it like that before.”

“Well, it’s true.”

 

Anna picked up her book and fiddled with it. She wanted to tell him how wonderfully, gloriously happy she was that he had sent Maria away; she wanted to tell him how happy, how much  _ more himself  _ he’d been in the last month or two without her. But if she did she might accidentally tell him other things and everything was complicated enough anyway.

 

Who knew what was hormones, and what was his smile, and what was proximity, and what was her fundamental belief in happy endings. Who knew what, on his part, was obligation, and what was good manners, and what was genuine affection. Best not to say anything.


	6. Chapter 6

_ Six months later _

 

It was just after three in the morning (the bad three, Anna would call it). Edward had been having a bad night, Kristoff could tell, which meant Anna had too; and he was never sure when to intervene. Right now the crying had stopped but there were footsteps slowly walking up and down the hall. Whenever they paused the baby made an offended noise and they started again.

 

This was silly. Kristoff got up and poked his head out of the door. Anna didn’t notice until she walked right past him. “‘S okay,” she said. “I got this, you go to bed, you have to work tomorrow…”

“How much sleep have you had tonight?”

“I’unno. Sleep is for the weak.”

 

She didn’t protest when he took their son from her and stepped back into his room, settling the baby against his shoulder. “Lie down for a bit, Anna. Before you fall over.”

“‘K.”

 

To his surprise she didn’t go to her own room, but walked past him, fell full-length on his bed, and was asleep within seconds.

 

Edward smelt of milk and baby shampoo. He wriggled his head into Kristoff’s shoulder and then fell asleep, something his mother had presumably been trying to get him to do for hours. “Little beggar,” Kristoff said softly. “D’y’know what’s strange, Teddy? If my life had gone to plan, if I’d got the things I thought I wanted, you wouldn’t even exist.” The baby ignored him, drooling onto his pyjamas. “And that would be terrible. That would be - the worst thing I can imagine.”

 

He looked over at his bed. Anna was fast asleep on top of the covers in her dressing gown. He couldn’t go in her room, that would be weird. And he didn’t want to risk waking Edward by putting him down in his basket. He’d just sit up on the other side of the bed and let Anna sleep.

 

\-----

 

Kristoff’s alarm went off at seven. He rolled over and turned it off, then rolled back to face the centre of the bed. He could remember why Anna was asleep on the other side (well, she’d woken at the alarm and muttered ‘S’no’mornin’, s’too early’ but she was asleep again now), and Ed was here in the middle, but he didn’t remember lying down.

 

He needed to get up, but instead he found himself watching Anna sleep. He hated to do anything that would wake her. _ How long have I loved you? _ He thought.  _ I don’t know. God, I’m such an idiot. _

 

He knew now what he wanted. He wanted this. He wanted to wake up next to her every morning. It sounded so simple in his head.

 

Edward was waking up, squirming around and muttering, working up to a proper cry. Kristoff shook Anna gently by the shoulder. “Hey. Anna. You need to feed him, I can’t help him there.”

 

Anna opened her eyes blearily, then started rummaging at her clothing. Kristoff turned away and sat up, and by the time he was on his feet she had managed to attach the baby to her breast and go back to sleep. “That’s a good trick,” he said, and got no reply.

 

\-----

 

On the way home from work Kristoff went to the supermarket, and had a baby handed to him as soon as he was in the door. He put away the shopping with one hand while Anna showered, then put Edward in his bouncy chair while he made dinner, rocking it with one foot while he stirred a saucepan. Anna took over while he changed out of his work clothes, and eventually they were sat side by side eating.

 

“We make a good team,” Anna said. “Oh, when I was going out earlier I saw Mrs Cake next door, she asked if you could pop in some time and check her smoke alarm batteries?”

“Yes, sure.”

“I said you would. Well, she asked if I could ask my husband and it took me a minute to realise she meant you! Though I didn’t bother to correct her, it would take too long to explain - does she think we’ve been married all this time, d’y’think?”

“Goodness, I don’t know. Possibly.”

 

Mrs Cake had also smiled at Edward, and said “Goodness, he's getting to be a sturdy little chap! Look at those cheeks.” And Anna had smiled and agreed, but had remembered how she'd noticed that morning that the baby now filled up half his Moses basket, which meant he would eventually grow out of it and need a proper cot; which would need to be in his own room; and that led down a path that had at the end of it Decisions about Living Arrangements, and she wasn't ready to go there yet.

 

Because what was next? They had two bedrooms. A couple with a baby would manage fine, but they weren’t a couple. The obvious solution was for her and Edward to live somewhere, maybe here, and for Kristoff to live….somewhere else. 

 

Edward was getting bored in his play gym and had started thrashing about. Kristoff, who had finished his dinner, got up and went over to play with the baby. Anna watched them as she finished eating. Maybe they could all move somewhere larger together? Would that be weird? 

 

“My mother thought I should have offered to marry you,” Kristoff said conversationally. “I hope you’re not offended that I didn’t.”

“Yes, terribly.”

“Sorry.”

 

But then, at some point, Kristoff would want to marry  _ someone. _ It was inevitable. He’d meet someone, someone who would treat him well and appreciate being treated well in return, and he’d marry her, and Teddy would wear a bowtie at the wedding and look adorable, and he’d be happy. Maria was over and in the past and soon Kristoff would realise that and start looking around. How would that work if he was living here?

 

And Anna didn’t want him to go. She told herself she was being selfish, wanting someone here to help her with the baby, but of course it wasn’t just that.

 

She collected up the plates and took them through to the kitchen. Kristoff followed her, carrying Edward. “We should get this one in bed,” he said. “Leave the washing up, I’ll do it in a bit.”

“You don’t have to. I can do it.”

“It’s fine.” He handed her the baby. “It won’t take a minute.”

“I can do it. I can cope.”

He looked at her strangely. “Of course you can. But it’s two plates and a saucepan. I’ll do it while you’re feeding him.”

“Well, maybe I should get used to doing things myself.”

“Why?”

“For when I’m not living with you any more.”

 

He looked puzzled, and Anna walked past him and out of the kitchen without meeting his eyes.

“Anna?” he said, following her. “Why would you say that? I’m not moving out. Are you going somewhere?.”

“Well - there isn’t enough room here for all of us, is there? Not when Teddy gets bigger.”

“No, I know - I guess - I didn’t think we were there yet.”

“We’re not, but…” She cuddled the baby against her shoulder. “We will be. This was never a long-term arrangement, was it.”

 

Kristoff didn’t say anything. Anna tried again. “I’m not kicking you out or anything - I like having you here - I just -” She took a deep breath and turned to face him. “Someday you’re going to want to have your own life again, properly, and I can’t be so selfish as to get in the way of that. Even if I want...” She faltered at his expression.

“Why would I want to be with anyone but you?” 

She stared at him.

“I mean, I don’t want anyone but you,” he said. “I -” He sighed. “Real smooth, Bjorgman.”

 

Edward started crying. Anna turned to him and tried to shush him, and when she looked back up there were tears in her eyes. “Then why didn’t you  _ say? _ ”

 

They both stepped forward at the same time; mindful of the fidgety baby, Kristoff resisted the urge to pull her into his arms, but settled for cupping the side of her face with his hand and kissing her.

 

Edward wailed. Anna pulled back a little and laughed. “Give us one minute, Teddy, this will benefit you too -”

“Put him to bed,” Kristoff said, “And then we can sit down and -”

“- kiss some more?”

“I was going to say, talk about it - but I like your idea better.”

  
  


(Home is wherever I’m with you

And I’ll stay there forever as long as you stay too

I’m never gonna leave, it’s what I am, it’s where I’m from

I’ve found home, it’s you

And it’s all, it’s all that I want)


End file.
